Doesn't sound all that bad...

High-level organization ability.

Competence at a wide variety of tasks and the ability to learn additional ones quickly.

Stability and resistance to panic.

Skill at diplomacy and emotional manipulation.

Resilience with a high tolerance to pain.

High energy, with good resistance to fatigue.

Good administrative skills.

The ability to defer gratification indefinitely.

Crisis intervention skills.

Strong sense of morality and of right wrong.

Loyalty and a willingness to put the needs of others before his/her own.

Capacity to never ask "Whats in this for me?"

The ability to do enormous amounts of work for a minimal payoff.

High level of nurturing and caretaking skills.

Tendency toward over-achievement, leading to the ability to work consistently at 120 percent of capacity.

Gives low priority to emotional needs and feelings.

Has one or more of the following: Migraine headaches, obesity, depression, and obessive-complusive behaviors.

Has low self-esteem with a very dependent personality. It is not likely that a person with high self-esteem would put up with a fraction of what a codependent routinely tolerates.

but underneath we're not so tough

What happened? What did I give into? I seemed to have played a game. Was I a specific target or just a random one for the day? I walked right into it. I know the consequences of my actions, atleast my own consequences. In the past I have been able to keep my will strong. I try to choose my responses carefully. My mind plays out the scenarios of each response. It has them down pretty good (yay mind!) Yet, somehow one response should have been controlled. Am I giving in because of the changes I want to make to myself?

I used to say things(anything)just to get reactions. I would try and learn from this. Now I am losing that feel, that reading, that slight understanding because I am not probing for reactions. It almost seem like I am the one being probed, tested, lead somewhere.

Then the moment ended. Not with a confrontation or a crescendo, just mearly an absence.

The unknown cause for silence brought about a concern. The origins of my feelings towards the one I was curious about. Even if I was a specific target or just a random one, I still have concern. That seems so weak. I care for her. I want her to be safe, respected, and loved.

Born to make mistakes

Why can't I get her out of my head? Logically thinking, in the scope of my relationships, she is barely there. I tend to think with logic, but I still feel with emotions. I feel for her in such a way that I would be willing to do for her what no one else will do. I have had these feelings before. My heart tells me it is for the goodness we should all have towards each other. My conscience tells me if not you, than who? Then my logic kicks back in. My logical mind says anything I could do can be misunderstood and confused for more than what is intended. I don't think I can be a savior or a knight. I am not sure that I would be anything. I can only be human.

It's filling me up with new life

Sometimes I want to see thru my children's eyes. To see the world as they do with wonder and excitement. To be able to find something new and special around every corner. I look at my children and the swelling of love builds up inside me. They are truly the people who can bring me happiness.

My Joy

My joy
The air that I breathe
My joy
In god I believe
My joy
You move me

My joy
The blood in my veins
My joy
Flows in your name
My joy
You move me

I'm not a mountain, no
You move me

My joy
Heavenly bliss
My joy
The pleasures I've missed
My joy
You move me

I'm not a mountain, no
You move me

-MLGore

Lift up the receiver

The phone rings and I answer it. The sounds of chaos echo across the wires thru my receiver. The sounds make it hard to concentrate. Burried within the noise is her voice. We have known each other for more than half our lives. It is her voice that I still love. It is her sounds that comfort me. It is her natural beauty that astounds me. Among all the noise I still can find love, comfort and beauty.

Are we there yet?

There is always a starting point for a destination. You set the marker for where you want things to begin. During your journey you might have to make a change in direction. The path you chose might not be clear, you might have to test the ground you travel on. Road blocks might hinder your journey. You might even change your mind on the destination. Your determination does help you get closer to your destination, but it might not be enough to actually reach it.