Nothing and everything

The blinking cursor offers no insight to me. It only sits there fading from full on to full off to indicate where I have left off.

I cannot get my mind to work the same way. I feel left off from the world. Tasks no longer distinguish themselves from one another.

I feel small, like a child among adults looking up for something from them. Not really noticed and not really ignored. They can’t understand what I want and so they cannot give it to me. I am the adult, unable to comprehend what I am looking for inside. No mystical solutions to fill my empty view, no logic to guide me on what to do.


It is her warmth I am missing. Not some glow of her aura, but the physical warmth she radiates. Sitting here in the air-conditioned office I can almost feel it. If I think about it long enough I can smell her as well. This fragile state she is in allows me to touch her flesh, but not enjoy it’s presence. I want to consume her when I see her. The thought of being the one instead of two is painful when it cannot be. I cannot stop thinking about it. It is the yearning that I always have, growing stronger since the beginning when I first saw her. It is that warmth I feel so close to me.