small steps towards something

The people around him didn't see the humor in what they were watching. Knowing this just made him chuckle a little more in his head. He didn't feel superior or better, just slightly enlightened. He saw them all as lemmings, mindless and following a predetermined course. Now he just waited for them to jump.

Sponsered by the color blue, er purple, more like indigo.

Have you ever just sat and talked with someone and had the funny sensation that if you weren't already, you could be married to this person?

Not that I am looking for an affair or a replacement, but I have found someone I can talk to and enjoy being around. You may be saying to yourself that it is normal to have this feeling, you have a friend idiot! But since I have sorta isolated myself from becoming friendly with people I am not sure how to be when I find somoene I think would be a good friend. It reminds me of dating in a way, trying to learn about the person, finding those common grounds to talk about and share. Learning that silence is not alwasy awkward. How do you get closer to someone without being misleading or stupid(like omg he is so stupid to think I would be interested in him) esp when I am not interested in having more than a friend. How do I say I like you as a freind without sounding like I am dumping something that wasn't there? Am I being so overly dramatic over nothing?!!? Blah!!



I am bored and can't sleep just yet. I am having a core dump.


btw I was told she said I had a nice butt.

0.0

So much has been going on, but it almost seems like nothing. It is the busy work of being a parent, the responsibility of managing a department and trying to be a person that has me all tied up and seemingly going nowhere. So I once again have been reading and such, but have not been posting.

I have been slacking - I used to ride my bike an average of 150-200 miles a week just last year, but I haven't touched it since last sept. So I am feeling not as active as before. Should I throw on the cycling shorts and shoes and try to get it moving again?

I dunno what is keeping me in this "stuck" mood - but I am here.

Tired and just tired.

Bite my lip and close my eyes....

It is currently 3:18 am. I am sitting in bed unable to sleep.

My wife is out of town attending the baptism of our first niece in DC. She left last night along with her sister and parents. I am home with the 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats and 8 koi. My wife will not be back until Sunday night. Even though we never seem to go to bed at the same time, I find it hard to sleep alone in our bed when she is not home. I don't necessarily sit here and worry, I just can't sleep.

So I decided to crush the Internet for anything to bore me to sleep. Hasn't worked yet.

So instead I hit a few old spaces I used to visit. I should say tried to hit a few old spaces. It seems more and more are going to private spaces or have moved on to somewhere else.

Is there some spaces flu going around causing people to lock themselves behind the " Access Denied " screen? Or am I being blacklisted because I don't bring a desert to the spaces picnic? Did I say something to offend another spaces person?

No, I know I didn't because there is no point in getting in some drama on the Internet. This big ol wonderful place that feeds us so much information is the biggest bunch of lies and deception. Almost anything can be said here with just about no repercussions. This is the land of make believe. Pretend to be what you always wanted to be.

Blogs allow us to give the world a view of us that might not be true to life. If no one truly knows us that reads it, then no one knows any better. The world is becoming this way. Besides blogs, there are many other ways to be who you are not. Chat rooms, online games, instant messaging, online dating - all of these things are by-products of technology that just allow us to deceive easily.

However, with the same flow of zeros and ones, it allows us to be who we actually are. Some animosity allows us to be free in our thoughts and feelings. It is relieving to be able to say how you feel about something with complete honesty. You can voice your opinion to as many people as you can find to read it without having to worry about falling off the soapbox or getting over stage-fright.

I wonder if there will ever be a way to find out what is really true out there. I hope that not everything I read out here is just put up to deceive me. I am already too untrusting of the world to begin with. I don't need to be learning even the internet lies to me too.

C3

there is always a pain
the source unclear
the intensity varies

clarity
confusion
condemnation

terms I set
strength I need
ineffective

how many times should I reset my emotions
the words I say to myself are true to me
they can even be used to cloud themselves

All in all it's just another brick

It is done.

10 yards of fill sand, 8 4x4's, 750 paverstones and about 400 lbs of gray drainage stones and the outdoor patio is done.

My yard is not level and it took a lot of fill sand and some whacked engineering to build a frame and fill it to have a place for all the paverstones to sit somewhat level. It has been several weekends in the making, but I was determined to get it done this past weekend. As the kids played in their inflatable pool all weekend, I moved paverstones from 3 different piles to the area that had become a giant sand box for the dogs and kids. Out of the possible 750 paverstones I had available to me( I bought 3 pallets and each had 250 stones on it) I believe I have about 150 stones left. The weeks before I had to move the stones from their original pallet to another spot in my yard because my utility trainer could not hold more than 1 pallet at a time. So I would have to pick up the pallet, drive it home, then unload, head back and get another and repeat.

During this building process, close to being complete I took a small break to go and get the gray drainage stones. So I get the family truckster ready to go, drive the 20 miles to the Home Depot and when I get there it is blocked off by every cop, sheriff, emergency vehicle the town has. They were not letting anyone into the shopping center at all. A bomb threat I was told. So I drive 3 blocks down to the normally dead Lowes. Which is now extremely busy. I wonder if it was a lowes' employee, um never mind.

Anyway done done for now.

oh, right, but that was before you dropped off the planet

I didn't drop off it, I jumped

Notice an interesting feature of GMAIL, if one of your contacts is online, it will show you and you can chat with them. So I sent a instant message to my favorite contact and had an impromptu conversation for over an hour. It was great, not just the ability to do this, but talking to the particular person I was checking for email from.

Now it has always been a pleasure to get an email from her and I am a loyal follower of her blog, so it was extra special to have a chance to talk to her in real time. It was just one of those things that made me smile first thing this morning. So Indigo for an hour you had all my attention.

A present for Indi