Two for the price of one

Eighteen years ago I ran off to a justice of the peace with the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We eloped with his wife as our witness to the legal process. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else at that time and I still cannot. I didn't want to let her go and made the decision to ask her to marry me. We were young and many didn't expect it to last for long. Some of our peers from back then are working on 2nd divorces. Rumors back then also placed us as rushing to cover up some un-expected child. Thru that and the questioning from family and friends in the early days we have made it and are accepted and loved.

While we have had our little annoying times in the end, and still to this day, I will always love my wife and wouldn't change a thing.


Fourteen years ago our first child was born. Even though she isn't big on hugging and PSA I still think back to when on her very first day that she slept on my chest in the LDR and I realized that there can always be more room in your heart.

Sherman set the WABAC machine to the 80's

Some random halloween.

She is wearing my t-shirt.

My wife called me this morning telling me how wonderful our soon to be 13year old daughter was this morning when she got up and getting ready for school. I tried several times during the morning to get her out of the bed and get her moving, but she would not budge. I even pulled back the covers and discovered her wearing one of my t-shirts to sleep in. ( the t-shirt says NICE(pronounced neese) in large bold letters with France in tiny letters under it).
So when my wife called me to tell me this she mentioned that she told our daughter it was a nice change for her to be cheery in the morning and the response," That will never happen again." - Yup she is mine.

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Sorry for any concern, I turned off reading because I was messing around with colors and then forgot to turn it back on. Since I normally check my site from messenger it logs me right into it and I didn't notice till I went to post before loggin into msm.

"More importantly, where are YOU?"

Ah, many ways to answer that one. Instantly my brains says that question rings of transference and an attempt to turn attention to something else instead. I will answer it none the less.

I have been busy. My wife is no where ready to take on what would be her normal routine, so many things are now being handled by me besides the extra attention that she needs. She has to wear this knee-to-under-breast body suit/corset to help her abdominal muscles heal. It is crotchless( no fun with it till much, much later) that has hook and eye fasteners up both sides and then zips on top of those. She has to wear it for about another 4 weeks. Under said device is her dressing for the scars across her lower belly and up to her neo bellybutton. These things need to be changed every few hours for her comfort. Luckily her drain tubes are now out and she can shower with my supervision because the higher temps and her lighter breaths causes her to overheat and she gets light headed. Repositioning of pillows in a bed I harldy get to sleep in calls every 30-45 minutes. The caregiver life is draining me.

Mental Noise

Right now I am sitting in a room with windows for one wall. The glass wraps around in a quarter circle allowing you to view the concrete parking lot. It is starting to show what would be daylight, but the clouds and the rain keep darkness around for a little longer. I have been here since 6 A.M. this morning and will be here for about 6-7 hours. I will try to get some work done, but the light conversations and the sounds of the local newscast are distracting but does not ease my thoughts. Today happens to be Friday the 13th. Sort of a gloomy day to think about and the environment I am currently in fits it. The weather reflects this, the local news cast* reflects this, the mood I am in reflects it. The soothing earth tones of the walls and the art work that coordinates with the bronze colored fabric of the furniture does little to calm my feelings.
Yesterday I did carpool. It is no express lane to pick up your children from school, just another form of lemmings. Move 10 feet, then wait, move, wait. You stare with an emptiness at the children waiting for their escape from this place of learning. As I make my way up I barely notice the commotion of a few small children. Oblivious because of I am waiting to get to the spot to load up and drive off. When I finally arrive I see my oldest talking to my youngest, consoling him with his face hidden inside the opening of his Star Wars back pack. I vaguely overhear the principal saying "tell his mom I'll find out tomorrow." My children get in the car and my youngest is crying. It takes several minutes to get him to mumble anything. My oldest say someone hit him, knocked him down and shoving his face into the concrete. I eventually find out that earlier during the day at recess this same child took my youngest shoe and was keeping it from them, eventually giving it back via hitting them in the face with it. I tried calling the school as soon as I found this information out, but no answer. Instead I sit and think of what I should do.
The windowed room is not the principal’s office or even the school. The windows are here to brighten the waiting room at a surgery center. My wife is having an abdominal hernia repaired. It is the second time for this. Her abdominal muscles separated during the birth of child #2 because of the emergency action that was needed during that birth. It was repaired a few months after that, but she has bared two more of our children since then. The muscles need repair again. She will also be getting a belly-button, something that went away from the first surgery many years ago. She was supposed to remove all of her jewelry before coming here, but was unable to remove her wedding band and engagement ring. She says she has gained too much to do so, I said she was perfect. They put surgical tape over her rings. I know that this is not a life endangering procedure, but I still sit and think about her. I sit and think about my children and how I can protect them from what has happened.
It is hard to come up with a solution that doesn't involve me doing something that could make the situation worse. I do not want to set an example that shows me being a bully or threatening. At the same time, I don’t want to leave it all up to the hands of the school. When it comes to the protection of those I love, there is nothing fear. I must control my impulses, react but not over-react.

Glad to be me. (never thought I would say that)

Sometimes
Only sometimes
I question everything
And I'm the first to admit
If you catch me in a mood like this
I can be tiring

Ah the holidays... Nothing like family gettogethers to show how screwed up people in general, especially your own family members, can be.
This entry is about my younger brother. He is just 4 years younger and we share what I thought to be several traits in common. We are both very good at solving problems( I am talking about the male kind of problems like fixing stuff, not people). We look alike( I am taller by a few inches). We both come up with crazy ideas at the same time etc... You get the picture.

Well, lil'bro is working out of marriage #2. He wasn't even completely out of #1 when he had the wedding ceremony for #2 take place. Yeah, I was supposed to keep that a secret but, so what. Him and wife#2 separated before the hurricane hit here. Things were not working out for them and I was actually supportive of his decision. I did not think it was a smart one to begin with. So for a while I was calm inside knowing that wife#2 was no longer going to be part of our extended family.

So during the holidays I was talking to him on the phone trying to find out what my two lovely nephews would like for gifts(I really do love my nephews and no mean spirited connotations should be felt from that last statement in comparison to the entire post) when I ask my brother what is wrong. He leads on to him getting his soon to be ex-wife#2 is pregnant. Since I was in a store during the season of stupid shoppers, I suggested we finish this conversation at a later time. So Christmas eve is the time it is discussed. Apparently sometime after the hurricane they decided to get back together as a "dating" couple and were not going to get the mixed kids involved. Well shithead and shitheadess didn't think to take precautions and now she is pregnant. The thoughts of how fucking different we are ran through my head. He has cheated on past girl-friends, before meeting wife#2 he slept around with women he met on the internet for one-nighters, he is not me. I also had thoughts of our families now having to bear each other for however long pissed me off as well.

During our discussion of how he knows he was stupid and weak et al, he mentions abortion. The night goes on and I eventually leave with my kids. On the hour long drive back home I call my wife(she was sick and I didn't want her to to suffer company while under the weather) and tell her we need to talk. In my mind I could not let an unborn child die because their birth parents were too stupid to do better and possible be unwilling to care for it. When I got home and I got the kids to bed, I told her of my idea to offer to adopt if they were choosing the pre-emptive route. We are not rich people and our house fits us OK now, but we can always make room for another. She agreed and did not see this as a sacrifice. I do not see it as that either. The next day we polled the kids and they were even supportive of it. I made the call and told my brother our offer. It is still undecided on their part. I guess we will find out in the coming months.

Pinhole

I have been sick lately. So has most of my family. But while at home yesterday I tried to answer some emails and handle some work from my laptop in the bedroom. I sat on the chair typing away. My wife started to lay down in the bed and quickly drifted off to sleep as I "click click" on the keyboard. I look up to see just her face sticking out from the covers. She is about 7 feet away from me, but by looking at her I can feel her warm, soft skin. I stop typing to talk to her while she rest, all the while still mesmerized her peaceful beauty. She doesn't respond or move, only calm shows across her face. It is at that moment that the black gains a small focal point.

Fresh Pine Scent

If you didn't already know, let me tell you I have 4 kids. My youngest is 4. I also have 2 dogs and a cat. This time of year it is exciting for all of them. the kids know Christmas is coming with all the fun associated with it. A day or so after Thanksgiving the Christmas decorations come out and get hung around the house. The tree goes up and bulbs are checked and then we decorate um, sort of decorate. You see since we have had small children in the house for a while now we never decorate the lower half of the tree. Even with my youngest knowing to not play with the decorations we still can't decorate the lower section because the pets love to play with them. The cat thinks it is fun to try and climb the faux branches and chew on the lighting. The dogs love the soft, cuddly ornaments and some of the hard crunchy ornaments. They have no real preference in which ones to destroy.

So in the corner of the living room sit the tree with the undressed bottom. It is the Christmas strip show. Just don't ask for a lap dance, I would think it would be similar to a gyrating toilet brush in the fun zone.

No guarantees

During the holidays you often get calls from friends and family that you haven’t heard from all year long. The pleasant conversations across the wires and cables strung across the world begin. As the calls come in you get into the routine of catching up. You repeat the same message over and over. I was doing that this past week, except for one day. A friend called who is also the parent of my daughter’s close friend. Since my daughter switched schools she hasn’t been hanging around the same people on the weekends. This friend still calls to chat and such. Well the mom called to talk to me because a mutual friend of our daughters was killed the day before thanksgiving. She had called to let us know and explained the events and when services were to be held. My daughter is 12 and this is the first time someone has passed away, someone who she played with for years. Holiday ruckus was going on at home. The kids were being kids as I was busy prepping everything for the meal/visits. As kids go, they will often get moody when people are busy trying to get things done so the normal spats were going on with me and my pre-teen daughter because she was bored. Then I get the call and I have to talk to her about it. For face value she took it well, but after we walked out of the room, she had to spend some time alone outside away from her other siblings. I didn’t pursue her to see if she was ok, I felt it would be best to let her be. Then next evening after the meal I was thinking should I get her to go to the wake and say her final goodbyes or just let her make the choice herself. By nature she is shy and to be placed in a situation that isn’t the happiest with some stranger would not be beneficial to her personality. She chose not to go and I supported that. It still does not make it easier to let go.

Brittany was 11.

No new tale to tell

Nothing exciting to report right now. Um, weekend... my daughter had a friend sleep over for 2 days. that's about it.

Oh, pictures for Indi

(l-r) Raven, Onyx, and Jet

Onyx and Jet

Fellowship of the ring?!? Past Part IV

Here is my wife's prom picture. The blow up section of her hand shows a small band. That band is our wedding band. We eloped a few month before her prom, during the week I was on Spring Break. We could not tell anyone that we were married because her school allowed pregnant girls to attend and not married ones. She was also a National Merit Finalist, Honor Society Member and all that fun stuff. None of our friends knew. Our parents didn't know.

Scenery

Just the other night my wife was doing some random tidying around the house when she passed in front of me. I made a little comment about enjoying the view. She then then proceeded to shake your butt in my general direction and I responded appropriately. My oldest daughter(age 12) was sitting on the far side of the room on a computer when she starts to bellow out "He likes big butts and he cannot lie!"

Thanks Sir-Mix-Alot!

Past Part III

The box contained old letters, photos, ticket stubs, stickers and just stuff from my youth. Going through some of the old items made me realize how simple our lives truly are when we are younger. Reading the old letters written to me and recalling the events around that time seem so trivial, but back then they meant a lot. Which makes me not like how old saying usually are correct. "Things will get better" or "You'll look back at this and laugh" I now find myself saying some of those same things to my kids and I get the same look I gave everyone else in my youth when I heard that stuff.

Continuing with items from my past I now present a picture circa 1988 of me and once again soon to be wife.


Footnote for Rose: Yes I had a pair of Chuck Taylor's, but in this picture I am wearing my K-Swiss High-tops. ;)

Past Part II

Here are two pictures I found in that box...

Me at 3. Boy, did I have a big forehead. I think that shirt might be back in style??!

My wife at 3. She was a blonde! Woot!

Not what I normally talk about...

Last night was Halloween and if you copuldn't tell from the pictures my 4 kids were dress as characters from Star Wars. Today I will running out to buy Star Wars Episode III on dvd to complete their collection.