Glad to be me. (never thought I would say that)

Sometimes
Only sometimes
I question everything
And I'm the first to admit
If you catch me in a mood like this
I can be tiring

Ah the holidays... Nothing like family gettogethers to show how screwed up people in general, especially your own family members, can be.
This entry is about my younger brother. He is just 4 years younger and we share what I thought to be several traits in common. We are both very good at solving problems( I am talking about the male kind of problems like fixing stuff, not people). We look alike( I am taller by a few inches). We both come up with crazy ideas at the same time etc... You get the picture.

Well, lil'bro is working out of marriage #2. He wasn't even completely out of #1 when he had the wedding ceremony for #2 take place. Yeah, I was supposed to keep that a secret but, so what. Him and wife#2 separated before the hurricane hit here. Things were not working out for them and I was actually supportive of his decision. I did not think it was a smart one to begin with. So for a while I was calm inside knowing that wife#2 was no longer going to be part of our extended family.

So during the holidays I was talking to him on the phone trying to find out what my two lovely nephews would like for gifts(I really do love my nephews and no mean spirited connotations should be felt from that last statement in comparison to the entire post) when I ask my brother what is wrong. He leads on to him getting his soon to be ex-wife#2 is pregnant. Since I was in a store during the season of stupid shoppers, I suggested we finish this conversation at a later time. So Christmas eve is the time it is discussed. Apparently sometime after the hurricane they decided to get back together as a "dating" couple and were not going to get the mixed kids involved. Well shithead and shitheadess didn't think to take precautions and now she is pregnant. The thoughts of how fucking different we are ran through my head. He has cheated on past girl-friends, before meeting wife#2 he slept around with women he met on the internet for one-nighters, he is not me. I also had thoughts of our families now having to bear each other for however long pissed me off as well.

During our discussion of how he knows he was stupid and weak et al, he mentions abortion. The night goes on and I eventually leave with my kids. On the hour long drive back home I call my wife(she was sick and I didn't want her to to suffer company while under the weather) and tell her we need to talk. In my mind I could not let an unborn child die because their birth parents were too stupid to do better and possible be unwilling to care for it. When I got home and I got the kids to bed, I told her of my idea to offer to adopt if they were choosing the pre-emptive route. We are not rich people and our house fits us OK now, but we can always make room for another. She agreed and did not see this as a sacrifice. I do not see it as that either. The next day we polled the kids and they were even supportive of it. I made the call and told my brother our offer. It is still undecided on their part. I guess we will find out in the coming months.

Wild Kingdom

Look outside at the people moving round. I do not know where they go and what they have found. Could it be special? Could it be plain? Could it be something that I lost in the rain? I watch the people move and watch them talk. I see their mouths moving and drown out their words. My thoughts are not with them as I look around, instead they focus on an ant on the ground. It travels along a predetermined path , lead by those before it by some scent from their ass. As I study the ant I look up again and now see the people doing the same thing.

état d'esprit

Do you mean this horny creep
Set upon weary feet
Who looks in need of sleep
That doesn't come

This twisted, tortured mess
This bed of sinfulness
Who's longing for some rest
And feeling numb

What do you expect of me
What is it you want
Whatever you've planned for me
I'm not the one

A vicious appetite
Visits me each night
And won't be satisfied
Won't be denied

An unbearable pain
A beating in my brain
That leaves the mark of Cain
Right here inside

What am I supposed to do
When everything that I've done
Is leading me to conclude
I'm not the one

Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun

Is there something you need from me
Are you having your fun
I never agreed to be
Your holy one

Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun

-MLGore

Mistletoe

The druids believe that mistletoe is special because it never touches the ground, and possesses symbolic fertility qualities.
Druid Stefan Allen, from the Mistletoe Foundation, revealed just what makes mistletoe so appropriate to smooch beneath.

"Traditionally mistletoe was considered to be the semen of the gods and of the forest, because the berries contain a liquid that looks like and has the texture of semen," he said.

"This is the real reason we kiss under it at Christmas, this and because mistletoe blooms in the dark womb of wintertime."

Huddled in a circle, the druids clasped bunches of mistletoe and performed a ritual asking for the plant to bring blessings to all the homes that it was going to.
Taken from here


Mistletoe Foundation?!?

It's the most wonderful time of the year. wonderful=busy

Ah, the holidays, the time when all people should be coming together to spread peace and joy to one another. The time when kindness, patience and understanding should be on our minds.

The truth is it isn't that time of the year. It is sales time of the year. It is mass hysteria time of the year. It is everyone trying to be more that they can be time of the year. Unless you have absolutely no other person in your life, then you are busy with something related to the "Spirit of Christmas". It can be school functions - kids parties, performances, dance, or lynching.. Work related holiday cheer - parties(again), signing those thousand of corporate Christmas cards or just the little gift swap stuff( gee what do I buy for that metrosexual in accouting?!?) Then their is family stuff - who is hosting what event where, which grandparent is seeing kids in a.m. and which in p.m., turkey or ham, did you get your aunt something, who the hell is this that we are sending a card to...

You get the picture.

During these wonderous times we get busy and things tend to distract us from normal routine.

In fact, I don't recall the point of this entry.

Pinhole

I have been sick lately. So has most of my family. But while at home yesterday I tried to answer some emails and handle some work from my laptop in the bedroom. I sat on the chair typing away. My wife started to lay down in the bed and quickly drifted off to sleep as I "click click" on the keyboard. I look up to see just her face sticking out from the covers. She is about 7 feet away from me, but by looking at her I can feel her warm, soft skin. I stop typing to talk to her while she rest, all the while still mesmerized her peaceful beauty. She doesn't respond or move, only calm shows across her face. It is at that moment that the black gains a small focal point.

4B0082

Black is the absence of light. It is also the lack of reflection of color, absorbing the incoming light and reflecting nothing for the eye to see. The light that surrounds me still shines brightly, displaying such beautiful colors. Visually appealing and stimulating, it dances around the deep darkness.

I have nothing to reflect to show a color to represent me. Black being able to suck all colors into it fits. I do not live in the shadows, out of view, covered by the clouds. I live within the spectrum of light, they reflect so brightly.

I do not want to be black. It is not fun to suck the color and light from the world around me and trap it inside the darkness. I have tried to allow the bright world to be my friend; in small amounts I can see the light again. Small amounts are all I am capable of doing.