It's just the dawning of our love

The past few weeks have been tiring and difficult. Physically and emotionally, the aftermath of Katrina has taken a toll on all parts of my life. There is one part though that has changed in a way I didn't really expect. There has only been one day since we evacuated that my wife and I did not fcuk. I am not talking about the 10 minute quickies, I mean 40 - 60 minute sessions. Even when we were sharing a room with the kids in the hotel, we somehow were able to have a lot of fun. With 10 people staying in my house, sleeping on inflateable mattresses, we with no air conditioning, we thoroughly enjoyed each others company. Only the one day when our youngest child slept with us that we just slept.

Being me, I tend to try and analyze things to satisfy my quest for understanding. At first I was thinking it was the thrill of being caught or atleast being over-heard by those with us. But, we have been caught before and it didn't stop us. ( many years ago we were staying at her parent's house and her father walked right in the bedroom while we were at it and started to talk to us - we didn't stop) Then I was thinking it was some stress relief because of our situation. Not too many natural things can relax you as an orgasm or two.

I think it is something more. During all this time, I felt closer to my wife than I had in years. Not the sex part, but the feel of being happy to still be with her. To still feel alive when I look at her. I was no longer focusing on little pet peaves, I was seeing her for the beauty and the person I fell in love with so long ago.

Playing The Angel

Precious

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

M.L.Gore

The sun and the rainfall

I have been gone for while due to way too many things.

During my absence Hurricane Katrina stopped by. Luckily my family is safe and very minumal damge to my house. I now have a few a few of my wife's family staying with us because they are not allowed back to their homes. 10 people, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a bunch of fish and 1 rabbit sharing a 3 br/2ba house that was running off a generator till yesterday at 1:40 pm.

I now can take a cold shower without making loud noises.

Luckily the devistation that took place in New Orleans and the surrounding are so far has not had an affect on my kids. The evacuation and 1 week stay in Athens, TX was more like a fun trip for them. The news showed nothing but the problems in New Orleans, but they remained happy and optimistic.

I want to tell the people of Athens "Thank You" for making us all feel welcomed. Everyone we met in Athens was very accomidating and helpful. If we weren't living out of a small hotel room we would have felt at home.

This is a strange feeling. Too many uncertainties in the area in which I work and live. Even though I know my family is ok, I don't know how the New Orleans area will do. Will people not come back? Will friends lose jobs because of businesses that cannot recover? Will this all matter?

Fitter Happier

So it has been a few days since I decided to accept the change. I am noticing the effects of the change and they so far have been good. I am still not sure if I am confortable with how I feel now though. It feels almost not natural, in the sense that I have not felt like this for as long as I can remember.

Not new, but maybe improved

The morning started like any other. Restless anticipation to wake up. The minutes slowly changing to when it won't be considered odd to be getting up. Move about the house without disturbing anyone. Even the dog doesn't notice me. Showered, shaved and dressed and I look at the small change about to happen in my life.

Let the change begin.

Flies are buzzing round my head
Vultures circling the dead
Picking up every last crumb
The big fish eat the little ones
The big fish eat the little ones
Not my problem, give me some

You can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough

This one's optimistic
This one went to market
This one just came out of the swamp
This one dropped a payload
Fodder for the animals
Living on animal farm

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough

I'd really like to help you, man
I'd really like to help you, man
Nervous messed up marionettes
Floating around on a prison ship

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth

I'm not a mountain, no.... you move me

I am trying to loosen the grasp my insecurities have on my trust. I am looking at the world thru different eyes. Ones that do not have the taint of a jaded view. My feelings can be still be genuine. I can see the unconditional love I have overlooked.


This morning as I was getting dressed, my youngest walked down the hall with her hair messy from sleeping and her lower lip sticking out pouting. I asked what was wrong a few times and she finally pointed to the front door. I asked if she wanted me to go to the front door and she nodded yes. We walked over and I opened it. She then asked, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Getting ready for work." and she continued to pout. As I was tying my shoes, my wife came into the room and said, "she says she is going to miss you"