The sun and the rainfall

I have been gone for while due to way too many things.

During my absence Hurricane Katrina stopped by. Luckily my family is safe and very minumal damge to my house. I now have a few a few of my wife's family staying with us because they are not allowed back to their homes. 10 people, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a bunch of fish and 1 rabbit sharing a 3 br/2ba house that was running off a generator till yesterday at 1:40 pm.

I now can take a cold shower without making loud noises.

Luckily the devistation that took place in New Orleans and the surrounding are so far has not had an affect on my kids. The evacuation and 1 week stay in Athens, TX was more like a fun trip for them. The news showed nothing but the problems in New Orleans, but they remained happy and optimistic.

I want to tell the people of Athens "Thank You" for making us all feel welcomed. Everyone we met in Athens was very accomidating and helpful. If we weren't living out of a small hotel room we would have felt at home.

This is a strange feeling. Too many uncertainties in the area in which I work and live. Even though I know my family is ok, I don't know how the New Orleans area will do. Will people not come back? Will friends lose jobs because of businesses that cannot recover? Will this all matter?

Fitter Happier

So it has been a few days since I decided to accept the change. I am noticing the effects of the change and they so far have been good. I am still not sure if I am confortable with how I feel now though. It feels almost not natural, in the sense that I have not felt like this for as long as I can remember.

Not new, but maybe improved

The morning started like any other. Restless anticipation to wake up. The minutes slowly changing to when it won't be considered odd to be getting up. Move about the house without disturbing anyone. Even the dog doesn't notice me. Showered, shaved and dressed and I look at the small change about to happen in my life.

Let the change begin.

Flies are buzzing round my head
Vultures circling the dead
Picking up every last crumb
The big fish eat the little ones
The big fish eat the little ones
Not my problem, give me some

You can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough

This one's optimistic
This one went to market
This one just came out of the swamp
This one dropped a payload
Fodder for the animals
Living on animal farm

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough

I'd really like to help you, man
I'd really like to help you, man
Nervous messed up marionettes
Floating around on a prison ship

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth
Dinosaurs roaming the Earth

I'm not a mountain, no.... you move me

I am trying to loosen the grasp my insecurities have on my trust. I am looking at the world thru different eyes. Ones that do not have the taint of a jaded view. My feelings can be still be genuine. I can see the unconditional love I have overlooked.


This morning as I was getting dressed, my youngest walked down the hall with her hair messy from sleeping and her lower lip sticking out pouting. I asked what was wrong a few times and she finally pointed to the front door. I asked if she wanted me to go to the front door and she nodded yes. We walked over and I opened it. She then asked, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Getting ready for work." and she continued to pout. As I was tying my shoes, my wife came into the room and said, "she says she is going to miss you"

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

Knowing that the way you are is not considered balanced is shitty. Does the way I have been through out my life mean I have been doing things wrong? Where does caring stop and co-dependency start? So many things in that table apply to me. Now that I have been made more aware of these signs, will I be able to adjust my actions/thoughts accordingly without destroying all of me?

bleh

I'll get thru this and will improve my mental well being. I will improve other aspects of my life as well. I will learn to find satisfaction with what I do and who I am.

Doesn't sound all that bad...

High-level organization ability.

Competence at a wide variety of tasks and the ability to learn additional ones quickly.

Stability and resistance to panic.

Skill at diplomacy and emotional manipulation.

Resilience with a high tolerance to pain.

High energy, with good resistance to fatigue.

Good administrative skills.

The ability to defer gratification indefinitely.

Crisis intervention skills.

Strong sense of morality and of right wrong.

Loyalty and a willingness to put the needs of others before his/her own.

Capacity to never ask "Whats in this for me?"

The ability to do enormous amounts of work for a minimal payoff.

High level of nurturing and caretaking skills.

Tendency toward over-achievement, leading to the ability to work consistently at 120 percent of capacity.

Gives low priority to emotional needs and feelings.

Has one or more of the following: Migraine headaches, obesity, depression, and obessive-complusive behaviors.

Has low self-esteem with a very dependent personality. It is not likely that a person with high self-esteem would put up with a fraction of what a codependent routinely tolerates.